Close, intimate relationships can be complex and difficult to navigate at times. This creates a high demand for couples’ and family counselors. But what types of therapy are most helpful for couples?
One acclaimed approach to couples’ therapy is known as the Gottman Method. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is based on decades of research involving thousands of couples.
What are some key elements of the Gottman Method?
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse
Many people develop negative communication methods in their relationships that can damage a relationship, even irrevocably. The Gottman Method looks at four specific patterns (the “Four Horsemen”) that couples can address to help improve their interactions before they herald the end of the relationship:
- Criticism: Beyond offering feedback or complaining, this “horseman” involves attacking a partner’s character or being.
- Contempt: This pattern takes criticism further, attacking a partner from a sense of moral superiority.
- Defensiveness: This is usually a response to criticism, making excuses and portraying oneself as a victim, and avoiding responsibility.
- Stonewalling: Often a response to contempt, this horseman involves withdrawing from the partner, not responding, and shutting down.
Love Maps:
The term “love maps,” coined by John Gottman, refers to the knowledge and understanding that partners have toward each other, which fosters emotional connection and closeness. This knowledge includes each others’ dreams, desires, likes, dislikes, and struggles.
Couples build love maps by sharing this information with one another. It requires them to invest time and effort in asking meaningful questions and listening. This helps them really know each other and create a strong bond.
Rituals of Connection:
The Gottmans created the concept of “rituals of connection” that enhance intimacy and unity. Rituals are different for each couple, and some may act out these rituals without realizing it.
Examples may include:
- Setting aside time in the evening to talk about the day
- Exercising together
- Regularly scheduled date nights
- Eating a meal together without screens at the table
- Expressing gratitude to each other daily
- Making plans together
Do therapists need special training in the Gottman Method?
Just about anyone can apply the Gottman Method’s principles and techniques. However, in-depth training and certification is available to clinicians who wish to thoroughly understand this approach and offer it to their clients.
The Gottman Institute, based on the Gottmans’ research and practice, offers “accredited training in research-based assessment techniques and intervention strategies” for behavioral health professionals. Clinicians can use this training in their day-to-day practice. The Institute also offers more in-depth courses for specific concerns, such as addressing trauma or addiction recovery.
To become a Certified Gottman Therapist, clinicians must fulfill the following criteria:
- A Master’s or Doctoral degree in a mental health field
- Licensure or certification in a mental health related field*
- At least 1000 hours of postgraduate therapy experience, and able to provide therapy independent of a supervisor
- Completion of Level 1, Level 2, and Level 3 Training, no more than two years before entering the Certification Track
- Completion of Treating Affairs and Trauma and Couples and Addiction Recovery courses
- Malpractice insurance
Many therapists, counselors, and other clinicians favor the Gottman Method for building or healing relationships. Because it offers practical tools and methods for communicating and strengthening their bond, it can have long-lasting success in helping couples overcome challenges and changes.